Sexless marriages have led to divorces. In this Divorce Diary, a lady founds out that her husband was someone else’s bitch, Ahmed Kasimu Shu’aibu narrates!
My name is Hauwa Musa. I am 27 years old, an indigene of Kebbi state. I want to share my Divorce Diary with you.
I am the first child of my parents, I have seven siblings. I hold a Masters in Architecture. I met my ex-husband Kabir while still an undergraduate at ABU Zaria. He was two years ahead of me. I remember the first time I saw him; he was so tall and handsome that I nearly tripped and fell. I had never seen such a beautiful man.
I used “beautiful” because truly he was beautiful. His beauty was feminine and the type that makes women curious. I met him at the Mr. Biggs near the Samaru campus. Turns out he was a regular there. We quickly became friends, in fact I loved going to Mr. Biggs to wait for him just to see his beautiful face.
One thing led to another and before I knew it I was missing classes to hang out with him at Mr. Biggs. I was in love with this beautiful man. I hated the semester holidays wallahi, they took me away from him and when his graduation loomed, I was gutted. I decided to open up to him and told him I was in love with him in front of Amina Hall. He smiled and kissed me; he said he was in love with me too. He also told me he wanted us to get married immediately he finished NYSC. I was over the moon. I didn’t sleep that night because Kabir would be mine.
Yes! I focused on my studies while Kabir embarked on NYSC. I worked very hard and I graduated with a 2.1 which was no mean feat back in my day, and my Kabir had finished his NYSC.
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“Time to get hitched,” I went back to Birnin Kebbi to prepare for our small wedding. We were both unemployed so money was tight. On our wedding night he told me how he was proud of me and promised me never to let me down or hurt me. And I believed him. After the honeymoon in Sokoto, Kabir moved to Abuja to look for a job, leaving me with my in-laws in Sokoto. My mother-in-law was a very kind woman, treated me like her own daughter and taught me so many things about life. My father-in-law was extremely generous towards me also, I was happy, my in-laws loved me and my husband adored me. Everything was set.
In the first year of our marriage we agreed that Kabir would come home once every two months. It worked at first, but then I noticed Kabir’s desire for sex had reduced. He was always tired or he would say the journey was long and tiring from the airport. Hmmmm.
The house we lived in was in Mabera area of Sokoto and I did not think Mabera was that far from the airport gaskia. I thought a man who hadn’t seen his wife in two months would be raging with desire and lust for her!! I didn’t understand what his sudden reluctance was about and so this went on for about a year and a half. The sex was so rare it sometimes felt as if every time was my first time.
I loved my in-laws but by this time, I was yearning to live with my husband. In our own home! And so I asked Kabir to allow me follow him to Abuja, at least so we could live together as husband and wife. He refused. His reason was that he didn’t have enough money to support a wife in Abuja. He said Abuja was a harsh town so his visits will be once every six months because he wasn’t making enough money to be flying to Sokoto every now and then. I was annoyed with his decision and upon all that, he told me not to argue, as only bad wives argue with their husbands. He assured me he still loves me and wasn’t hiding anything. That’s how I managed with seeing my husband only twice that year. Looking back now I don’t even know how I did it.
Suddenly Kabir made it big! He became rich overnight! He bought me a brand new C-class and also bought a house in Sokoto on Abdullahi Fodio Road. I asked him where all these money came from; he told me he had started contracts with different ministries. I was excited for him. This was like in the fourth year of our marriage. He finally moved me to Abuja. I was staying in a serviced apartment in Wuse 2. My dreams were coming to reality but I was quickly disappointed because my husband was never home. The only good thing was he had secured a job for me at his friend’s firm.
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As I settled into my job, I began to become suspicious of my husband and the company he kept in Abuja. They didn’t seem to do much, rather they just dressed nice and went to someone’s office to gist and pass the time. I wondered how they made money. His friend that I worked for was also like that, he didn’t do anything and the office was handling a lot of projects. He never went anywhere. He was always in the office entertaining his friends. He never went for any meetings with clients. I was so preoccupied with my work that I was able to cope with my sexless marriage. I used my work as an escape.
One day, my boss Jamilu called me to his office with the guise that he wanted to discuss something important with me.
Next Episode: Divorce Diary S01 E02 – The Beautiful Beast