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#SatireDiary S01 E07: How to tackle Nigeria’s woes

Barristar Loyal argued comically that Nigerians will get out of their predicaments if they tackle the two monsters feasting on them, politicians and greed.

Nigerian politicians fighting over inanities. Credit: Asukwo, EB
Nigerian politicians fighting over inanities. Credit: Asukwo, EB

The Court of civil Advocacy

On a comical note, let me welcome you to the Court Of Civil Advocacy. Our court has no hierarchy because there is no room for intellectual manipulation nor maneuvering of facts. So you won’t need the GSS or whatever, to come raid us for hard currencies not to talk of corruption allegations. Our panel of Jury consists of non-partisan judges:

Hon. Justice Uncommon Common Sense,
Hon. Justice Moral Conscience,
Hon. Justice Spiritual Consciences (Khadi) and
Hon. Justice Sensible Reasoning.

These men and women of integrity are not corruptible. They do not operate Bureau de Change and are not known for accepting or giving undue favour ceteris paribus.

I remain my humble self, the undisputed Junior Advocate of the Masses (JAM), Barristar Loyal of civil proclamations and societal moral values, the Counsel for Public Opinions and unsolicited complains.

If you recall, during my last appearance at this honourable court I announced my intent to go on strike due to the frequency of striking at that time. But recent outcry and the body language of our leaders have beckon on me to return to advocacy. You know a lot of questions need to be asked.

You will all agree with me that now than ever, we have been divided as a nation along several lines. One of the most common of such divisions is the “hailers” and “wailers”, especially among the netizens. If you are not certain about this fact, check the Facebook federal constituency and the Twitter senatorial district.

As soon as the President presented the budget of recovery and growth, social media took the centre stage of accolades and ballistic criticisms. Those with professorial degrees in betting imported their experiences to analyse how the government will waste the people’s anxieties and wet their appetites with disappointments. Although those with ponzi sentiments were on the defensive side because they foresee recovery in the real sense.

My worry however is; when will these youths, and other social media clangorous elements recover and grow their sense of proper reasoning? These people were sleeping away on our budget even when it was being read, yet someone will open his mouth and gaffe like his sleeping mentor to defend the men that will always add salt to our injuries.

The Nigerian dream. Credit: Asukwo, EB
The Nigerian dream. Credit: Asukwo, EB

My learned colleague, Barr. Human Right was at a hearing on the Facebook magistrate court. He came back to inform me of the defence case filed by a counsel against public opinion that called for the removal of a minister who insinuated that diligent service to the nation is unexpected and doesn’t worth appreciation. It was then that it dawned on me that not only are we in economic recession but also intellectual depression.

Related: #SatireDiary S01 E04: Why Do Nigerians Hate Themselves?

With the aforementioned, my prayers before the honourable panel of jury here at the Court of civil advocacy today are:

When will our wailers and hailers receive senses?
When will people out there look beyond political interest and seek that which will benefit the masses?
When will we realise that the lines drawn between us by these politicians are for self gains?
When will we wail for the recovery of our MDAs from clueless caps and glasses?
When will we unite to fight our common enemy, greed?

The list seems endless, but for now your lordships, I rest my case.

(N:B these panel of jury are resident in you the reader and your comments are their verdicts)

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