Joseph Onuchukwu took us through the different forms of love which if used appropriately increases one’s affection in the eyes of the beholder.
Love is seen as a feeling of likeness. Language on the other hand, is said to be a combination of words used as a form of communication.
Love language on this note, can be defined as a means of communicating with someone you’ve likeness for. It can also be a form of communication used to get likeness from someone you’ve already developed likeness for.
The importance of Love languages cannot be overemphasized.
For some, action speaks louder than words.
For others, words mean a lot to them.
This brings us to the various kinds of Love languages we have. We have five of them, which are words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts, and quality time.
Words of affirmation
Words of affirmation are just as it sounds in terms of definition. This is seen as offering kind words or words of encouragement to your spouse, friends or family as well as outsiders. For these people, words turn them on. It goes a long way in lifting their morale and giving them extra reasons to live in this battlefield called Life.
A simple compliment which may mean nothing to people on a normal day, usually burns their soul with orgasms of joy inexpressible. They feel loved just by appreciating their efforts. Words fuel their drive. These people work well even under pressure as long as they have that feeling of love and appreciation coming somewhere.
Words of affirmation include:
“Oh, see how lovely that cap fits you”
“Your glasses are the best I’ve seen, where did you get them?”
“I appreciate this excellent job you’ve done.
“Wow! Congratulations for getting into the law school, I trust you’ll excel.”
“I love your shoes”
“You’ve got nice personality”
“With this amazing character of yours, you’ll go far….”
The words are endless.
But, getting people to make others feel appreciated is an uphill task. Most people are not moved by words of affirmation so giving it to others becomes difficult. Very difficult! In as much as it is difficult, it isn’t impossible. People whose love languages are words of affirmation need people who only encourage, motivate and appreciate them before they can be convinced you love them. Why? This is because as positive words lift them up so does negative words bring them down.
Saying “I love you” alone rockets these people to cloud nine. If you’ve a spouse, friends or family with this love language and naturally you don’t get moved by words, then learning to appreciate them is just a step to proving you love them. You don’t expect to get them gifts and lift their spirit. No! They will collect it but their thoughts will be “Anyone can get me gift, anyone can give me this, anyone can give me that… “. They value words a whole lot.
Learning to compliment can be a little difficult especially when you grew up receiving none. Yes. But if you’ve noticed that a loved one can be communicated with this language then it’s advisable you start learning.
This is how you learn it:
Having known their love language, you should also know that words have powerful effect on them. They don’t take words likely. It has this heaviness in them. So, you must watch your words very carefully and learn the process of complimenting them.
Note that this is very different from flattery. Flattery is throwing dust into their eyes; deceiving them. So, the most potent way of learning to love these people is by using words carefully and slowly.
I once taught a student after my secondary school. This boy always wanted to be a medical doctor but his grades in Mathematics are pitiable. Even his parents have given up on him. You see that even some parents might not be sensitive enough to know their child’s love language. I took interest in him and found out he loved being encouraged. Kind words move him. I tried it and to be sincere, it wasn’t easy at first. The boy was not a fast learner and teaching these kinds of students can be a hard job. A frustrating job too. Teachers here can relate. But, with time, he started catching up. And he’s doing well now. Although, not too well but he’s far improved from the boy I met the first day.
How did I do it? I appreciated him regularly. I encouraged him without ceasing. This created a feeling of love in him. He became confident once more. He’s no longer timid. Now, I find complimenting people a simple thing to do. This was because I grew up with it.
Note again, your primary love language is the one you grew up being communicated with.
If as a kid, your parents buy you gifts then you don’t expect someone whose parents praises him to communicate effectively with you. Your love language will be different. Totally different!
Acts of service
For these people, telling them you love them with words is a waste of time. They want to feel the love by your actions. For them, action speaks louder than words. Proving love to them is by engaging in things they love. Things they cherish too.
These could be:
- Helping out in the kitchen
- Washing the dishes
- Playing or watching football
- Watching a favorite program
- Keeping fit….
When you take out time to involve yourself with these things which they enjoy doing, it not only lift their burden, it also communicate love for them. They feel that appreciation. So, actions prove you love them.
This is one potent communicator of love. Fueling the love tank of these people requires just that small touch, hug or even a peck. It is like life to them. They almost cannot do without it. These set of people requires this on a daily basis. This is not to say they want to be locked in embrace with you constantly. No! They are humans too. As such, they enjoy their own company and space. All they need is that attempt of physical connection. Your touch whenever you meet.
Rejecting a simple handshake is enough to make these people feel unloved, worthless and undervalued. Leaving them for a very long time alone too is another way to make them feel unloved.
Physical touches can be:
- Reading together with your legs over each other
- Head resting on shoulder
- Treating injuries….
Presenting gifts in different form sends messages of love to these people. Sometimes, the cost of value of the gift might not matter but that feeling of being “thought of”, the feeling of being “prioritized” is enough for them. Note that these set of people differ from gold diggers in that it is their primary love language. Many gold diggers don’t have their primary love language to be that of receiving gifts.
These people love tanks can easily be filled as long as you buy them gifts especially when not on festive period. But, when you forget that birthday… that’s when you just looked for their trouble! They hate it when you forget such special day in their lives… Be it birthday, anniversary or anything worth celebrating. They appreciate anything called “gift” even a locally-made purchased one. Gifts to them, is just a reminder of someone caring about them. These gifts, they don’t misplace. It’s being kept for a very long time. Yes, that’s how powerful it can be.
Perhaps the most difficult language to be understood. This is the cause of many failed friendships, relationships and marriages. Here, these people need you and your attention. When I say they need you and your attention, it’s different from just your presence and gazes. You know you can be somewhere and your spirit will be elsewhere. These people know how to detect that. They are very sensitive. They know when they have your full attention and when they don’t. They also know those people who communicate with them during their free time and those who frees their time to communicate with them.
Statistically, they make the best spouse as just quality time is what they crave for. To them, your undivided attention communicates a lot of love to them. It adds value to them.
When together, switching off your cell phone, keeping an eye to eye contact as well as following them proves you love and value them. Note that, they don’t only need your time, your conversation matters too. Just as they need your quality time, they expect your quality conversation to escort it.
No matter how good you’re at multitasking, if you don’t set aside everything from them in a bid to avoid distractions, you’re not communicating love to them in anyway. They want it 100% and more, if you’ve.
When together with them, be careful not to cut them off while they’re talking. It downs their spirit. They also want you to communicate and express yourself but they love being heard first. It’s simple to send them to mars with this language. How to do this is by taking a day off just for them. Oh, how much they love this!
Quality time can be:
- Talking a stroll and talking about how you love each other
- Sitting together discussing something you like about each other
- Discussing your favorite series
- Engaging in debates
- Discussing work
- Riddling, joking….
Having discussed the various love languages, we’ve to understand that it’s normal to have misunderstood someone’s love language one way or the other. But, it’s okay. It’s fine.
The most exciting thing in life is to learn, unlearn and relearn.
Love doesn’t guarantee a change of the past. It doesn’t even change the past at all but it does create a different future. A glowing future. A bright one.